(photo by Tom Delaney, Sherburne County, Minnesota, 2025)

An amazing summer for wildlflowers continues on the oak savanna here in Central Minnesota. A patch of sage by the pastures does well every year, ans this year hosts a guest Black Eyed Susan.

Today’s Liturgy of the Hours and Liturgy of the Word again gives us a lot to think about in connection with forgiveness. You can look up the full text of scripture in the Bible. Here is my short summary and thoughts to share with you today:

“Bless your persecutors, bless and do not curse them…If possible, live peaceably with everyone…do not avenge yourselves…if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink…Do not be conquered by evil but conquer evil with good” (Romans 12:13-21, Lauds for July 12th, 2025). Paul’s words challenge us to act against our natural inclinations toward those who hurt or offend us. That’s right, I said “natural.” It is natural to react to hurt or offense with aversion, anger, resentment and other feelings. Those feelings arise from the chemical changes that are happening in our brain when we experience real or even perceived hurt or offense. At those times, neurochemicals are released in our brain in reaction to the stress of the event, that communicate that we should be fighting, or running, or doing something else to either control the situation or get out of it ASAP. These natural impulses are part of a natural system in ourselves that is meant to help us survive. So then, how can Paul possibly ask us to change up our natural inclinations for new inclinations that would have us replace negative emotions with positive emotions toward someone who hurts or offends us? The REACH forgiveness process taught in Live and Forgive presentations, guided retreats, and small group series, shows us that empathy is possible toward someone who has hurt or offended us, and that empathy is the key to replacing negative emotions with positive emotions toward that person, and full and lasting forgiveness. Forgiveness research Everett Worthington refers to it as “emotional forgiveness,” and forgiving someone in this process can be motivated by values and commitments within your Catholic faith and beliefs, as well as applying solid mental health research that says you will actually feel better if you forgive.

Empathy may sound like a tall order too, but I think that the last line’s reference to conquering evil points to what we end up talking about. Empathy is possible toward someone who has hurt or offended us when we realize that people are consistently the products of their life circumstances, and that if my life circumstances were like those of the person who offended or hurt me, I would in all probability act just like them. The story of Yehiel De-Nur at the Eichmann trial is a very good example of how we can realize we are very much just like anyone else in our basic humanity, and yet there are that circumstances can change any of us into someone who hurts others if strong enough. A good name for the circumstances that can change otherwise ordinary people into people who hurt are something we can collectively call “evil.” When we can see the person separate from the evil in their lives, empathy is possible. And when that happens, we can see that our true adversary is not that person, but actually the evil in their lives that distorted that person’s sense of self and compels them to hurt other people. Research in Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) and childhood trauma helps us understand that these circumstances may have started all the way back in the crucial developmental years of childhood for that person. Paul’s words encourage us to not let evil run our lives, or run other people’s lives. We are to do what we can against evil, and that includes pushing back against it in anyone’s life through good — replacing circumstances of evil in a person’s life with circumstances of forgiveness and peace. Yes,it sounds like a lot, but once you can realize what is really going on in the world in terms of evil, you can see that empathy and forgiveness makes sense. The good news is that as much as we are naturally wired for aversion toward those who hurt or offended us, our Creator also wired us to feel better when we forgive others. You can see that we were not designed for the first thing but not the second — we’re a package deal.

“Even though you meant harm to me, God meant it for good…” (Genesis 49 & 50, Liturgy of the Word for July 12th, 2025). The daily Liturgy of the Word for this week continues the story of Joseph and his brothers, and Joseph’s forgiveness of them after they plotted to kill him, threw him in a pit and then sold him into slavery out of envy and an effort to control their father’s inheritance. In today’s reading, Joseph’s brothers are again worried that Joseph is going to avenge himself by depriving the brothers and their families of livelihood. The narrative shows the brothers as reliably selfish and self-centered in their concerns and regard for Joseph, even after Joseph’s initial forgiveness. It could be that people take time to change, and forgiving someone does not necessarily mean that the person is going to change — do you think? However, Joseph forgives his brothers again, telling them, “Have no fear!” Joseph goes on to explain, “Even though you meant harm to me, God meant it for good…” The story provides a good example of how sometimes a person may need to understand why you are choosing to forgive them. Understanding what is happening and why is a way we often look for in order to validate that something a person is doing is real and authentic. There is such a thing as “false forgiveness” and validating a person’s true reasons for forgiving someone is a way to see if the forgiveness is real. Explaining reasons for forgiveness can also educate the forgiven person about how forgiveness works, and introduce them to principles that may enter their life and change it for the better. Joseph’s explanation certainly does these things for his brothers: it validates the authenticity of his forgiveness, explains his forgiveness in terms of seeing God’s way bigger picture and God at work, and introduces his brothers to the idea that God’s plans and work can be an alternative to their selfish and self-centered scheming. The lesson for us is that forgiveness can be validated and educational for others, in a way that makes more forgiveness at work in the world and changing the world toward more forgiveness. You and I are not Biblical celebrities, but even we can have an impact on the entire world. I always think of it in these terms: “Even the smallest pebble makes a ripple in the biggest water when it is dropped into it.” Bring on the pebbles!

“Even all the hairs of your head are counted. So do not be afraid” (Matthew 10, Liturgy of the Word for July 12th, 2025). When we are hurt by someone else, it can make us feel very small, of less value, of no consequence, unimportant in all the ways that matter. It’s a big crazy world out there, and the prospect of being a small person that is bound to get tossed and turned and thrown this way and that is something that can make you afraid. When you feel that powerless, you are not thinking about forgiving people who have hurt you, or you are not thinking that people who you hurt will forgive you, or maybe a tough combination of both of those things. You feel like you’re not worth anything, and you feel like forgiveness isn’t worth anything. These words of Jesus directly inform you that God is so concerned and watchful of you that even the hairs of your head are counted! God is with you that closely — to the hairs on your head! Because God is with you – “maker of heaven and earth, of all things visible and invisible” – there really is no reason to be afraid. When you understand that the creator of the world and universe is your constant companion, you have to realize, “Wow! I guess I must be important! I guess I really do matter! And what I do matters!” You are an important person. When people hurt you, it matters because you are an important person. Your forgiveness matters because you are an important person. When someone forgives you, it’s a big deal because you are an important person (actually, you always were, and you just didn’t really know). Realizing your self-importance is a very important thing — not the fake self-importance that makes a person arrogant and condescending, but the real self-importance that comes from God’s constant companionship with you. Too easily we can not see that importance of ourselves, or someone never explains it to us, or we hear it but we get distracted from it. But turning and seeing it, or seeing it better, is always possible and a very good thing to do. In my own life, sometimes I think about this, and remind myself, “Tom…take yourself seriously,” and that gets me more focused on doing the good and right things that an important person does, including forgiving. Try it yourself: “[Your name], take yourself seriously.”

I always hope that these short summaries and some shared reflections may help you learn about yourself, learn about forgiveness, and feel like putting a little more forgiveness into this world is your purpose! You’re like a special agent sent on a mission! And it’s GO TIME!

This text is an original work of its author Tom Delaney and was entirely composed without the use of artificial intelligence (AI).

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If your parish or faith community is seeking a deeper experience of healing, mercy, and spiritual renewal, Live and Forgive is here to help. To begin the conversation, email Live and Forgive presenter and facilitator Tom Delaney at tom@liveandforgive.com—Tom will be glad to connect with you in a spirit of welcome, respect, and shared faith.