(photo: Hartmann Linga, 2025)

Forgiveness researcher Robert Enright has published a new piece in Psychology Today examining questions and criticisms focused on whether forgiveness can be harmful. Enwright developed the Guideposts for Forgiving framework and process that is integrated in Live and Forgive presentations, guided retreats, small group series and wilderness walks. In the article, Enwright observes and asks, “The idea that forgiveness is universally positive has been criticized recently, especially concerning abusive relationships. Can forgiving be harmful?”

Enright begins with:

Forgiveness as a moral virtue has existed for thousands of years. Recent psychological research shows it is a beneficial process for emotional health. Across religious traditions, recent psychotherapy models, and the philosophy of ethics, forgiveness is encouraged for its capacity to foster reconciliation and alleviate emotional burdens (Enright and Fitzgibbons, 2000, 2024).

Here is my paraphrasing and summary of key points made by Enwright in the article:

• Studies have shown that forgiving others can reduce anger anxiety, and depression (see, for example, Yu and colleagues, 2021), has been associated positively with physical health markers such as blood pressure and immune function (see example, Witvliet and colleagues, 2001), and to improve relationships (Worthington, 2006) and ability at empathy (Ricciardi and colleagues, 2013).
• Artificial intelligence can fail to make a distinction between forgiveness itself and:
  • Pressure put on by others for the victim of abuse to forgive.
  • Failure to seek justice.
  • Both the pressure and failure to seek justice are misunderstandings of forgiveness, as pointed out by Freedman and Zarifkar (2016), rather than legitimate problems with forgiveness itself.
• Claims that “definitions of forgiveness vary considerably” which recently linked forgiveness to poorer relationship quality in people with childhood sexual abuse histories, suggesting that higher forgiveness levels decrease overall relationship quality, have not not assessed forgiveness specifically directed at the perpetrators of abuse, and cannot use correlative evidence to confirm that forgiveness directly harms relationships. It might instead be suggested that people with poor relationships and past sexual abuse may try to be more generally forgiving as a way to cope with the stress.
• The “dark side of forgiveness,” cited frequently in the literature against forgiveness (see, for example, Boon and colleagues, 2025, who cite McNulty’s (2011) study eight times), involves research in which participants were never asked what they mean by the term “forgiveness” before concluding that partners who forgive frequently give tacit permission to the other partner to continue with the abuse, condone wrongdoing by their forgiveness.
• Do not be fooled when you read a study with the word “forgiveness” in it. See if the definition and psychological measures are consistent with the objective and complete definition of forgiveness (e.g. Freedman and Zarifkar, 2016).
• When you read statements like “there are many and varied definitions of forgiveness,” this implies a philosophical relativism as its major premise, and you should remember that forgiveness also has an objective reality across historical time and across cultures.
• Until psychological researchers join with philosophers in understanding and defending an accurate definition of forgiveness, along with measures consistent with the definition, there will be growing chaos in the fields of forgiveness research and forgiveness education — “definitional drift” in the meaning of the term forgiveness.
• Does forgiving cause harm to those who forgive? If so, this has yet to be demonstrated either scientifically or philosophically.

With the exception of excerpted and paraphrased text by Robert Enwright, this text is an original work of its author Tom Delaney, entirely composed without the use of artificial intelligence (AI).

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If your parish or faith community is seeking a deeper experience of forgiveness, healing, mercy, and spiritual renewal, Live and Forgive is here to help. To begin the conversation, email Live and Forgive presenter and facilitator Tom Delaney at tom@liveandforgive.com — he will be glad to connect with you for a conversation. Please type in your email and click “Subscribe” below to get Live and Forgive articles delivered to you.