Forgiveness: Heal your worldview, heal yourself!

/ Tom Delaney, O.F.S., M.A. Theo., Cert. Catech.

(photo: Alex Knight, 2016)

In important ways, the world we see is a reflection of ourselves. What we see is a reflection of what we are looking for, what has become important to us, what we choose to pay attention to, as well as how we think and feel about our prior experiences of the world. This is not to say that the world doesn’t have its own existence but rather points to how our experiences of the world and what we would say we know about the world or what is true about the world, is very much shaped by how we are looking at the world. It’s a natural and human thing, and it’s called a “worldview” — your view of the world.

Your worldview is important because it has a lot of influence upon your daily experiences, including your thoughts about things, your feelings about those same things, and the actions you take throughout your day. You still have choice and free will, but your worldview is your personal lens on the world, influencing what you see as happening in it, including what you as an option for yourself or an urgency. You can probably understand that your worldview is very important to you and is at work all the time.

Your worldview is involved with forgiveness in a few important ways. First, a hurtful event can have an impact on your worldview. Forgiveness researcher Robert Enright observed that a hurtful event can cause a change in our worldview that makes it more realistic, or a change that causes “a generalized bitterness toward many or even most people” (Forgiveness is a Choice, p.121). That said, Enright also emphasizes that forgiveness can be a way to reverse an overly bitter, cynical, and pessimistic worldview as a reult of a hurtful event. He makes very clear that such a negative worldview doesn’t ever have to be a permanent change in one’s life. Enright developed a set of questions that you can ask yourself, in order to take an intentional look at your own worldview. It probably works best to engage with the questions as a journaling exercise so as to really capture your thoughts and feelings in response to each question. Here is my paraphrased list of the questions:

  • What are people like in general?
  • Who am I?
  • How do I change for the good?
  • Why am I here? What is the purpose of life?
  • Why is there suffering in the world? How is suffering eased?
  • How does the world operate? What is my place in it?
  • Where do I go when I die?

I think that you may gain a lot more insight into your worldview by having a three-part response for each question:

  • What do I know, think, or believe the answer is?
  • When I think about the answer, how do I feel about it?
  • What are things I do because of how I know, think, or believe the answer is, and how I feel about it?

Yes, this can seem like a lot of work, but “Hey!” we’re talking about your worldview here! When something is as important as your worldview for your thoughts, emotions, and actions, it’s good to really take a look at it! In addition, consider that your worldview is that important and worth examining, because you are that important! You can get messages aimed at you from lots of different places that can get you thinking that you are not important, that your worldview is not important, and you do not need to take yourself so seriously. I hope my counter-messaging for you is clear: “Take yourself seriously!”

Once you have taken a look at your worldview, there are two important things you can do. The first thing you can do is see whether and how a hurtful event or series of events has impacted your worldview. When you do that, you can see how your worldview has been shaped by your experiences and now has a a daily influence on your thoughts, emotions and actions. It is common for hurtful events to shape a negative, cynical and pessimistic worldview for someone over time. If that has happened to you, you don’t need to condemn yourself and kick yourself over it — you’ve already been kicked enough. What you can do is get wise to what has happened in your life and use that new clarity to make good changes happen for yourself. Which brings us to the second thing you can do …

You can choose to change your worldview for the better. Your worldview is not permanent and unchangeable. In most cases (I want to say all), people start life with one worldview, then take on another after life experiences, and then more after other life experiences. Your worldview is always a work in progress, and you are the worker. When you are burdened and miserable with a negative worldview resulting from hurtful events, forgiveness is an effective way to get out from under it and take on a worldview that is more positive and includes feelings of personal meaning and happiness as part of a new orientation to your daily life and the relationships you have with others. Forgiveness is a process that you can choose to give yourself, as easily as with a self-guided forgiveness workbook (REACH Forgiveness Workbook) available from the Human Flourishing Program at Harvard University, or through a facilitated event offered through Live and Forgive.

It is understandable if you have experienced resentment, hatred, anger, or ill will as a response to the hurtful event or hurtful events that happened to you, and as part of living out the negative worldview that resulted from those hurtful events. It is important to understand that these thoughts, emotions, and actions you may have taken in response to those thoughts and feelings, have drawn you away from the care for yourself, your relationships with others, and your relationship with God, that is the best state of wellbeing for you. Changing your worldview will benefit from getting yourself to the church confessional for the Sacrament of Penance and Reconciliation and unloading — verbally and literally. You can read how to do an examination of conscience, and confer with your parish’s pastor beforehand if you’re not sure how to use the Sacrament of Penance and Reconciliation to get yourself absolved and released from the anger, resentment, hatred or ill will you have thought about in your head, felt in your emotions, and probably acted out in the world and your relationships. It is OK to even ask your pastor very basic questions like, “What do I say?” and “What will happen in the confessional?”

I cannot emphasize enough the importance and effectiveness of the Sacrament of Penance and Reconciliation for your situation. When you’re sick, you go see a doctor, right? Think of this in the same way. You have an injury and affliction that is negatively impacting your life, you see it and know it, and you want to receive forgiveness in order to change your worldview and live in a new way. That’s exactly what the Sacrament of Penance and Reconciliation is about.

What happens when you change your worldview? I think there is a great lesson in the Gospel of John and the narrative relating Mary Magdalene’s encounter with the risen Jesus at the tomb (20:11-18). This is a special section of the gospel as written, because it so specifically references the act of turning by Mary Magdalene. The text and story is as follows:

Mary stayed outside the tomb weeping. And as she wept, she bent over into the tomb and saw two angels in white sitting there, one at the head and one at the feet where the body of Jesus had been. And they said to her, “Woman, why are you weeping?” She said to them, “They have taken my Lord, and I don’t know where they laid him.” When she had said this, she turned around and saw Jesus there, but did not know it was Jesus. Jesus said to her, “Woman, why are you weeping? Whom are you looking for?”h She thought it was the gardener and said to him, “Sir, if you carried him away, tell me where you laid him, and I will take him.” Jesus said to her, “Mary!” She turned and said to him in Hebrew, “Rabbouni,”* which means Teacher. Jesus said to her, “Stop holding on to me, for I have not yet ascended to the Father. But go to my brothers and tell them, ‘I am going to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.’” Mary of Magdala went and announced to the disciples, “I have seen the Lord,” and what he told her.

The passage starts with a statement of Mary Magdalene’s initial worldview: “Mary stayed outside the tomb weeping.” She was not even approaching the entrance to the tomb. But then she starts making some choices: she looks into the tomb! She expresses she is in a state of loss, confusion, grief and despair and doesn’t know what to do: “They have taken my Lord, and I don’t know where they laid him.” That is a plaintive cry. It is immediately after saying this that Mary starts turning, first turning to see Jesus and not recognize him, and then a second time turning to recognize Jesus. Two turns, each one important, and both leading to recognition, a new understanding of what is going on — a new worldview! The new worldview is so impactful that it takes Mary Magdalene from weeping outside the tomb in the beginning of the story, to the story ending with Mary Magdalene announcing to the disciples, in a short and simple but deeply profound statement for herself, “I have seen the Lord.” That is what the best of all changes in worldview look like and ultimately are about. What a wonderful example and lesson for us. It may be helpful for you to spend more time reading and reflecting on this section of the gospel and soak it in. You might even imagine yourself as present for the described scenes or even put yourself into Mary Magdalene’s shoes. Remeber that this story was written for you.

Please share these words with someone who needs them today.

This text is an original work of its author Tom Delaney and was entirely composed without the use of artificial intelligence (AI).

If your parish or faith community is seeking a deeper experience of forgiveness, healing, mercy, and spiritual renewal, Live and Forgive is here to help. To begin the conversation, email Live and Forgive presenter and facilitator Tom Delaney at tom@liveandforgive.com — he will be glad to connect with you for a conversation. Please type in your email and click “Subscribe” below to stay connected and get Live and Forgive articles delivered to you.

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